Jeaneane Henson

Left in your  wake

 

Let his story be remembered about how well he lived his life and not how he died. Let my story be more than surviving but serving. 

I am the proud Mother of Daniel Ferguson. Daniel was a kind and loving child. He was so intelligent and had a hysterical sense of humor. He had such a curiosity about people, places and world. He could talk to anyone about any topic and you knew he authentically was interested in your point of view.

 

As far back as I remember, Daniel wanted to serve in the military. Upon graduating from college, Daniel joined the 82nd Airborne fulfilling that lifelong dream.  He loved every minute of it from the grueling boot camp to jumping out of planes, to his deployment to Afghanistan. 

 

Upon departure from the military, Daniel suffered from blood clots. They were extremely painful and debilitating. He no longer was able to do the things he enjoyed in life. In March of 2019, unable to find answers, Daniel lost his personal struggle.

 

Upon hearing the news of my son’s death, I recall collapsing, falling to my knees with the most primal, guttural scream. It was an out of body experience. 

 

I was numb for months. It was as if I was moving in slow motion and the rest of the world sped by. I was haunted by the questions. What did I miss? What could I have done or said to prevent this?

 

“When you hold your baby in your arms the first time, and you think of all the things you can say and do to influence him, it's a tremendous responsibility. What you do with him can influence not only him, but everyone he meets and not for a day or a month or a year but for time and eternity. “

Rose Kennedy

 

I loved my job as a Mom. I took it so seriously.  It defined me. It brought me joy. It gave me purpose. When you lose a child, who are you? When someone asks you “How many children do you have?” Or “Where do your children live?”  What do you say? 

 

Time dragged on. The pain was unbearable. They say that God never gives you anything that you can’t handle. When you lose a child, I say that is bullshit!

 

Time dragged on. I was in a dark, deep pit and could not climb out.  Many months later, still in a fog, I  found a grief counselor and began the work of navigating through this nightmare. 

 

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” Rose Kennedy

 

Then, I met Heather at a TAPS meeting. She invited me to be a part of the Legacy Collaboration. We met on multiple occasions along with Ian, the song writer and another Mother who also lost her son. We shared stories of our sons and marveled at the similarities. 

 

From these conversations, Ian, completely captured the essence of my son’s spirit.  My son’s song is named “Follow Phoenix”. When I listen, I can see him rising from the ashes, a warrior, a free bird, forever alive. 

 

Through his song, by sharing his story, I feel Daniel will never die. We are his witness. Without a witness, he would just disappear. 

 

“One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” Brene Brown. 

 

I will never get over it. Grief is like a violent ocean storm. If you don’t work to stay afloat, you will surely go under. 

 

To those lost in their struggle. This is only temporary.  If your are contemplating suicide, know this, you will forever change the lives of your loved ones and know that tomorrow brings new hope. 

 

First, call 988 or text HOME to 741741 and begin a conversation. Second, there are many programs available to guide you through your journey by those who have walked a similar path and have come into the light. 

 

There are life preservers floating all around you.  Find yours, swim to them and take ahold.